she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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