There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
