How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We had to coat check the pizza.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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