Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
