I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
