I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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