I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
