C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
