Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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