Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
