It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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