well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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