did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
