We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
