Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
