i jhust puked up my retainher.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
