Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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