Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
