I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
