First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
