I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
