You're my little dorito
id be glad to
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
