census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
