I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The feeling are messing with the penis
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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