just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
