you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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