New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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