Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
