i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize