I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
