I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
