Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize