Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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