it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
