i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MIDGETS
????
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
