That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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