I want to have your abortion
I smell stomach acid.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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