I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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