I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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