and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just google imaged poop.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
