So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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