He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
