my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
