I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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