omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
