I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
