I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
