i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
