She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
