don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
