Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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