the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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