All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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