im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
