Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He passed out mid-signature
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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