I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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