Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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