Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I touched a dick in church today
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
