Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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