I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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