don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
