I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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