I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
