i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
