Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
