i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
