STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
