As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
