Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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