Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize