I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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