Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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