trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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