my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
