Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
