His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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