she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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