I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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