And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
