i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
