At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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