I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
