I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
