My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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