remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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