dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
