I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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