just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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