it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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