How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
