I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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