I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize