your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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