I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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