I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
