I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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