he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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