my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my being single is dangerous.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
