I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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