There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
