forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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