Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Of course I have a pirate flag
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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