ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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