question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
